Ah, the good old days of the final day of the greatest millennium. The impeachment trial against Bill Clinton was just beginning in the Senate and he would soon be leaving office with that guilty smirk wiped off his mouth. Newt Gingrich was feeling incredibly passionate about his country and working way too hard to make sure that adulterers will never again be seen as welcome in the White House. Day traders, a new breed of financial wizard who were just normal people like you (I on the other hand have a degree in Business) using their entire life savings, were pushing the Dow to all time highs by buying anything with a .com at the end of it with no end in sight for all these boot strappers going after the American Dream of being richer than other Americans. Our good friend Gen. Musharraf takes the lead in Pakistan giving us a much needed ally. Benjamin Netanyahu begins his triumphant comeback effort to take back the Prime Ministry of Israel (he succeeds in 2006.)
There was of course some sad days as well. Columbine, where two crazed young men used weapons that they were able to get because of too much government oversight (see my commentary It Takes a Village to Raise Children Who Kill Other Children, The Weekly Standard, Letters to the Editor, 1999). And of course, there is the sad saga of Elian Gonzalez, who wanted nothing more than to find a better life after his mother drowned bringing him here. But instead, he was torn from those who loved him most because they were free to be returned by a uncaring Clinton Administration already deep in the throes of ecstasy in preparing to crown Al Gore President, to live with his father, a person who didn’t love him enough to even attempt getting drown for his son’s future. But even in this tragedy, we, the party of the Right, let loose a mournful wail in remembrance of poor Elian’s freedom, and we rallied behind his name promising never again would even the threat of deportation hang over families who have done nothing wrong other than want for a life free from the ravages of poverty and oppressive governments.*
So it is to the almost adopted home state of Elian that we gather, in a state that gives us Marco Rubio (I like to think of him as the Elian we never had) and Allen West (the Michael Steele we really wanted) to once again to sound that clarion call for all good Republicans to stand up and fight for all that we hope Romney most likely stands for.
Let the Party begin again in America.
And You’re Welcome.
*This open offer of freedom is limited to any refugee that meets the simple criteria of being from a country that begins with a C and ends in an uba.